Worth the Sorrow

by Ben McCarthy // Pale Eyes

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of all vx // are we having fun yet, Paranoia Is Appropriate, Sensual Choices, little music, Document (13-16), Worth the Sorrow, Philosophka, and sweatshop. , and , .

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1.
04:30
Believe do not believe Do not believe Your socalledself or anything you read In the sheets the sex stained sheets the sleepless sheets Of a love that only ohsofaintly breathes But it breathes If there’s ever a conflict If there’s ever a reckoning I hope you know what you’re doing I hope you know what you’re doing Believe do not believe Do not believe You’re socalledself or what you think you need For the relief the all but too intense relief Of your perfect little petty little griefs You thief And o how you like to ignore how your hunger starves her here As you try to get your pleasures clear A familiar little longing delays your total defeat And oh it’s familiar you too it’s calm and pale retreat I fell and heard my body sing that giving in’s the sweetest thing. I fell and heard my body sing: do not believe.
2.
Oh nonplussed and full of lust Western Humanist Saw such civil means get you such bloody ends Saw Beauty, Truth, and the Good where the animals stood singing meaningless songs they made up for their forlorn friends Our faith brought us here Our love brought us here Our art brought us here It’s honesty that brought us here Put your head on my shoulder I’ll tell you when it’s over I know I’m getting colder but I’m trying to stay sober You could have lived by the pen Or by the diagram By just staying thin and by suffering caresses Trampled rights after fights under fluorescent lights A fait accompli Just to complete your bitterness No more say you’ll undo these things You’ve made these claims before What is more you quite enjoy the pain: you prefer to endure. And what is it for, what are they for, all of the pretty things, the clever things you make and sing just to ignore? Let me know when you’ve had enough. Let me know when you’ve had enough of this progress.
3.
Beware the Body and beware the Screen. There’s no Nature (dirty faker!) There are only memes. Only Memes! And everything will fall apart The shinning youth consume their art Nostalgic eyes get bitter hearts Sorry that you feel that way! And everything will fall apart The shinning youth consume their art Let’s stop it now before it starts. What a shitty thing to say! Bold face neurotic Got no self-esteem (or so it seems…) It’s like I tried to tell you: middleclass and so obscene (you’re so obscene!) Coldblooded civility cultural currency break from the war for a tea While those ugly animals lost to survival put brackets on all that the see For sweet normativity acts of docility (baby crawl back to the sea with me)
4.
And what if all these feeble pop songs became for us invocations And all of our mixtapes a heretic’s litany of curses You were meant to suffer brokenbroken heart Life of the party but estranged from your art Beauty loves a liar and so does your god A note was never meant to ring in silence The light and the leaf and your eye strike a chord Everything’s so metaphorsodden or worse it’s the volatile water welling up from the earth I’m all for forgetting just let go but when it comes back it’ll be much fucking worse A note was never meant to ring in silence The light and your lust and your eye strike a chord And so I had to go in faith therefore with all my sins in the seat of my soul (And I could smell the blood and gold) ‘But how many asked to come along?’ Not many asked to come along. ‘The heroes and the broken go with themselves.’ The heroes and the broken go with themselves. I did it! I found it! I wrote it all down! So this must be the place then I mean Christ Ben who in god’s name did you think you were kidding? So stay asleep (stay asleep!) If you don’t know you won’t have to weep Stay asleep (oh, stay asleep) And dream by pretty lullabies whose terms are not so steep I did it! I found it! I wrote it all down!
5.
04:22
Another man who put you in the shadow called you woman and fit you with a saddle held you down and called you weak cut out your tongue so you couldn’t speak And did they say you weren’t pretty enough touch up your make up and now you’re a slut and you’re a bitch if you can’t give a fuck They can’t see you No, they can’t see you Hey, just cause I love you doesn’t mean I know Some days yr in the haze of the gaze But you play along for your minimum wage It’s not what you want and you hope it’ll change but you can’t be the girl on the firing range You’re feeling caged by the nouns and the names You want to come too but oh what a shame: a girl’s gotta give in this hetero game They can’t see you No, they can’t see you Hey just cause I love you doesn’t mean I know If I was him that dude that man that uninvited hand well I apologize Don’t say it’s too late If I was him that dude that man that uninvited hand well I apologize I know too well I was This gender skin is thin And it just wouldn’t let you That’s how they trap you in I mean whomever ‘they’ is Please take this off.
6.
Oh the whole world’s a heartbreak It’s not enough to stay alive still every baby’s gotta cry You take it as an inspiration Now yr the celebrated queen of only barely getting by Don’t speak of tomorrow and much less today Nor of truth and lies what does it matter anyway Just don’t fuck me over Here in the crotch of the cliché Here in the belly of a world that is aching for to die I wonder do I disappoint you, or is it only me whose expectations are so high I find the whole thing rather charming That every spasm of my will just prolongs the fantasy Now I’m trapped behind my closed eyes As you list the things we’ll buy when we win the lottery Don’t fuck me over. Spoiled for choice don’t make you free This is a necessity We can hardly think we’ll make it on It’s not what it’s supposed to be whatever that’s supposed to mean We can hardly think we’ll make it on on on
7.
03:10
It’s not cold outside for winter We can blame lust for that too You get dressed while I’m here waiting We can walk around until we’re dead Until we fall back into bed And what’s worse is you look beautiful tonight It’s the light in your eyes now that everything is burning no more what came before no more forever more I love you and I’m sorry What’s worse is you look beautiful tonight It’s the light in your eyes as you tell me that you hate me You and this little boy Your break my heart for joy I love you and I’m sorry Achingly godless Sunday morning Let’s get high and mess around Because I’ve not got the wherewithal for brawling Come on Just lie down and we’ll get clean And wake into our barren dream Of course I loved you Never meant to hurt you If you pardon the trope I’m gonna stand here begging: Don’t go
8.
Yes, but not enough to show it Such an asshole Scared to lose Maybe you think you’re the poet Pretty Body Aching, dying all the while crying all the time So I guess it stands to reason: with your swollen eyes, you missed the view. And I conveniently do not believe in domesticity or destiny I’ve only just been there I can go back there soon Your bed is too small but I’m happy in your rented room So Ryan write another chord For there’s a joy we can afford Too broke and bored For cigarettes and wine And line upon line of lies, poetry and powder Prettily wasting time When you take it away Take it slowly and easily Make it seem like I’m dying in my sleep Instead of my life Pray my soul to keep All the songs they were wrong Pretty myths silly bliss of the narcissist I’m not singing just to you Our love is made for more than two Full of grace and disdain and of lust and mistrust and the shame and the blame of a love that’s worth the pain And it was worth the pain And my songs they were wrong Pretty myths to dismiss with a kiss and fist I’m not singing just to you Here I am jealous and untrue And they are lost to me The mystery arrogant certainty of 23 I’ve only just been there I cannot go back there soon I wanna go back there I wanna go back there Maybe you’ll still be a poet Pretty Body Aching, dying all the while crying all the time So I guess it stands to reason that with my pale eyes and with your educated smile and with our necessary lies we missed the view.

about

3 years and their cacophonous freight in eight tracks lovingly crafted for the internet set.

There's no nature (dirty faker). There are only memes.

credits

released March 26, 2016

Pale Eyes is Ben McCarthy

Additional production & composition: Ryan Somerville
Mix / master: Mark Dorflinger
Artwork & album design: Cat Bluemke
Photography: Paz Ramirez & Gaëlle Legrand

<3 <3 <3: Paz, Lisa, Ryan, Lara, Adrienne, Cat, Jon, and Aug.


Leonard Cohen. Whitehouse. Alvin Lucier. Gavin Bryars. Prince. NFB.

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Ben McCarthy // Pale Eyes Toronto, Ontario

Ben McCarthy is a sound artist, and experimental electronic producer based in Toronto, Canada. His recent work ranges from thudding and beat-driven to textured and meditative.

Always underpinned by strong theoretical subtexts, sinking in to McCarthy’s music is to be immersed in his thoughts on and experiments with the sonics of sex, politics, violence, and raw emotion.
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